The only thing standing between me and greatness is me. (Woody Allen)


What have I realised for myself after meeting Vitaly.
Im not gonna talk about his peronality or something cause t makes me sick.

I have to do everythink like he did against the clock. That means as Ive already decided for myself but never brought it into life - to make experements.
Bu for my asumption it was like beeing fooled and fool myself. But probably would work. While he gave me nspiration to do everything I should faster and better.
Well. that's not so easy if we talk about some mental activity in comparison with ya know heavy labour.
And I do thnk now clearly that ourlives here, or our life, is spiritless. meaningless/ and t wont be better because we as individuals are hardly capable of anything valueble.
Sad but true.
Before I started doing something, while its the high time I did, want to define some new points of my work.
1. no tv
2. no lazyness
3. no vk
4. firm timetable
5. no excuse
6. maximal list of work
7. against the time.

enough so far


Huh, the paper was done. Whatsoever, I do not really know if the She knows about this fact.
Today is so special.
Today they said that I am not allowed to pass my first exam. B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L. They could've said it before I had learnt everything and had planed too many buisnesses further...
But no.
I need to pass it tomorrow and then start to prepare to 2 exams - German and TT after it, but much more diffiult than the first one. bl'a


So, the next term paper is looking forward to be done.
And mostly it should be done by tomorrow mornig and be left till 14 of december when I'm gonna try to fix it in fever.
So, its 11:59 and I have absilute zero of the work.
Lets start the show.


I've just done some sports with this bitch Jillian. It's horrible) I'm sweating like a hooker. And there's no hot water home. Now I'm gonna do some honey massage. You know this awful execution with hammering honey into you body... well...and then "shower" with the kettle. Feeling great.


I want to love and to be loved. I want it to be the same person. Oh, please...


урица по-итальянски (Каччиаторе)

Ингредиенты (на 4 порции)
в одной порции 212ккал.

450 г куриных грудок, порезанных кусочками
1 чашка порезанного лука
4 дольки чеснока, измельчить
2 чашки томатов, консервированных кусочками
1 ч. ложка орегано
1 ч. ложка базилика
2 чашки томатного пюре


1. Порежьте грудки кубиками и выложите на противень, политый небольшим количеством оливкового масла. Поставьте противень в духовку.
2. Готовь грудки примерно полчаса, потом добавь лук и чеснок. Готовь еще 15 минут. Затем добавь кусочки томатов, орегано и базилик.
3. Полей грудки томатной пастой и верни противень в духовку.
4. Готовь грудки еще 30 минут.
5. Подавай с гарниром из овощей или картофелем.
По желанию можно добавить грибы.


Today is the firs day of summer.
What do we have now...
My weight is 57 kilos again (yeah, i've done that shit). Gonna lose 3 more at least. Wanted to be 53, but you know, I actually love some of my fat. So I'l just see when it's ok.
Today i'm gonna miss my supper and do some abs ex-s. Found a good cast, where you can look for great ex-s. So I put here some of thst I really liked.

читать дальше


I need to be goindg to a doctor now. But as you can see...
I've got -2 kilo now. It's great. I mean i'm kindda even proud of myself. Esterday I i've been twisting the hoola-hope for 30 minutes. That's coll. But it's mostly because I was lazy to do my urgent work.
Today I ate choclate for 200 kk and sweet loaf for about the same 200. I'm gonna eat a pear and some vegetables for dinner. Tht's all. I'll try anyway. So much to do today.


Miss the Magicboy so much.
I can't call him mine. I can't lie myself.

What 'bout the successes... I haven't got any clear. I talked with the Navy. He said that my logo wasn't so good and said that peope should have cum about the logo. He knows how to explain, pervert). So I have several ideas, don't know actually how i will make it all out, but still.
And 'bout the diet. I don't eat much. I even would say that It's much that I don't eat. Though I want it so bad. Like candies. yeeah.
Tomorrow we have 4 pairs of lessons, so I need to figure out what I am gonna eat all that time. All the ideas seem stupid yet.
I went to jugging two times. But it's off now as I made out an excuse. Like it's quiet cold out there. Not really actually.



I want you to peer at the faces in the crowd in the hope to see mine.
I had a dream about you. Good one. Even too good to wake up alone.
I want you to wait for me. I want you to seek me. I want you to seek me. I want you to be sad and disappointed about my absence. I want you to. I want you to. I want you.
I want you to be ill about me. I want me to be ill about you. I want you to hurt. I want us to hurt each other. I want us.
I wish I could forget your eyes. False. I don't.

I want to lose my weight. To be skiny to death. Just for you to want me.
The only thought about you can make me refuse of food.
It hurts so good. Go on, babe.



Hey there. Hardworker is back and as always welcome.
I lost all my whole year trying results. So now my weight is about 60 again. It's 'about' because I refuse my ciriosity to learn how much it is exactly. Just not to fall in a faint.
It was the first time I tried to wihten my theeth. Well, we'll see...
Wanna go sleep.
Remorse makes me sleepy.

Oh, fuck!
I forgot what almost nobody knows about this diary and also who would read english... So I can say anything here! ts great.
We went to movie with V and a great girl this weekend. He gave me a HUG! the first time, you know as a 'hi'. It was kinnda surprising. It must be what we are friends now oficially) He keeps talking 'bout, i see no progress in that side of the relationship. I don't even need it.
Anyway. Our goodbyes were stupidly lumpy - hate this thing.
Hope, one day I'll forget all the mishaps and forgive myself for it.

@настроение: great


I have my first tatoo made today.
And I have one real problem
I'm fat.
Yeah, still. And now I have real reason to lose my weight. Wanna be perfect. No excuses anymore.


Давно я здесь не бывала *сдувает пыль, но она не сдувается, она прилипла* Слишком давно
Наверное, надоело бороться за свою душу.
Сейчас все тогдашние усилия кажутся никчемными. Быть может, просто все было сделано неверно.

сегодня мне резко стало нехорошо. Хуже, чем в пропасть шагнуть. Огромный новый коллектив. Руководство новое, правила. Все жутко непонятное. не нравится. Все равно, что жить без ребер. Без всех без ребер.
Виш ай куд би бэттэр зэн ай эм.


Hi, honey.
Haven't written here for ages.
So what's on is that I've passed all my exams. It sounds freaky somehow. Know what? I got my 93 points at English. Awesome, isn't it? I know it is.
There is 1 more point I hanen't got yet. Yeah, I mean my weight. It's less on 2 kg, but still I hate myself .
I think I should do something with it. Obviously. Now I have a bike, so I can use it...
I've got no dress yet. It sucks.
I souldn't eat chocolate in evenings. So true. But I do. I can't control myself. Outta control!


I've lost 1 kilo. If it's right. But I discovered it whan I was at grparents house, so you could guees that I got some weight while I was eating two dishes ghrandma had cooked for me...) I'm hard eater, damn it.


So here we are again.
Мне предстоит целый вечер за чтением английской литературы, так что я воздержусь от письма на английском. Значит, вот к чему я пришла...
Худею тут, понимаете ли. Прямо вот траву жру, серьезно! Ужин у меня был просто улет. Салат из огурца, сметаны и яйца. -_- Привыкаю к новом ощущениям - чувству постоянного голода. Хочу мяса. До слез хочу запеченного мяса. Наверное, это от огурцов, кефиров и яблок. Организм испугался, что я приняла венерианскую веру и пытается вернуть былое обратно... Очень его понимаю.
Еще сегодня молодец - вылизала подъезд. По-другому это не назвать. Там сейчас пахнет лимоном и можно детишек пустить ползать.
Еще пресс болит - хорошо).
Что насчет учебы... капец как обленилась. Я ничего не делаю и ничего не хочу с этим делать. Хочу мясо.


I'm laizy fuckin' bitch.
Trying do my gotten maths homework.
I even can't force myself to find scissors to make these stupid cards for tomorrow. Just a waste of time!
How do you think why all my posts here are full of hate?
Now I again have these ugly stripes on my skin. If this mean I got some weight, i'll kill myself... but I should become drunkard first)))


Here I am again.Writing about nothing even though I have to write @Writing application@ for tomorrow. Give a shit 'bout my homework.
Hate It.
Sadly, hate my fuckin' school.
So much to do... And tomorrow's also AS' lesson. Feelslike I'ven't been there for ages.
Just sniffles, you know. I have it, actually.
Nighty night.


So, so, so...
Today I was fighting with myself and one of us won. One who's responsible and active who is ready to study...Well, not me, I think).
I still can not choose where I want to study in the future. It drives me crazy, boy. What to do? Aaaah. I'm in panic, if you haven't noticed.
I need to buy some gum. I'll go to AS tomorrow, maybe she'll tell me smth right 'bout education or smth... I hope so...
Three days of maths in week start tomorrow. I'd better don't say I hate it... but feels like I do.
God, please, be with me.
I will be.
Even If you don't, I'll be with you than. Don't be silent, please, do care! Love you, anyway.

Just don't leave me. Just do not.



Suffer ends.

I don't really know if it's true, but I want to believe what he saved me from this suffer.
I mean all my deprassion things or someth... I kindda crushed into him, sill i do. And it was terrible as it always heppens to me. Catching his words and so one. Can someone be so much in love for nothin'? Well, I can. And somewhen it made me feel all this love to everything.
Or maybe it wasn't so, I sad I didn't know.
Anyway, things changed. They really did. I enjoy life a lot. And that's why I'm here now.
I wish I could make myself go to the dancing class, gym, or something. Singing is a part of my life never being trained. It drives me crazy. I just can't fins some strength to come. And I can't also choose. Dance or singing? Okey, now I don't have to choose. My mother just said we had no money to pay for a dancing class, so it'd better I continue getting covered by all this fat.
Well...see you, xoxo

Усложняя себе жизнь